Decisions, decisions...

So, the decision has been made...
When Brandon and I decided we should have another child, I knew I would have to stop working during the latter part of pregnancy. I enjoyed not working much more than I thought I would. Up until one year ago, I considered myself a stay-at-home mom. I figured I was just one who was lucky enough to have a skill that allowed me to work part-time out of my home. About a year ago I finally came to terms with the fact that being a stay-at-home mom and being a work-from-home mom were two dramatically different things. The time that I had at home was spent on the computer: editing photos, designing books, marketing, etc. The time I wasn't working, I felt divided. Especially since we relied on my income, and how much I worked had a lot to do with how comfortable we were, and how quickly we could get out of debt, since my income was variable. Everytime I had a friend blog about making cute crafts with their child, or even taking a fun excursion, I thought they were crazy. Really how do moms have the energy, physical or emotional, to do these things with their kids? Then I found out...I quit working.
I had been thinking seriously of hanging up my camera for 6 years until Sariah starts school. Then I read an article in the Ensign magazine (for those of you who aren't LDS, that's a church magazine). It was the experience of a mom who had to start working to save a family business. The most profound thing in the article was that when she finally was able to go back to being 'just a mom', she had to relearn how to appreciate her role as a mother. She found herself finding excuses to not go home, she wasn't as patient with her children, etc. The article touched me. I truly believe that the most important job in the world is that of Mother, yet I do the same thing. I proudly state that I am a photographer, where I used to proudly state that I was a Mother. I find reasons to 'escape' my children, and find myself complaining about the mundane jobs that are a part of running a household and being a Mom, instead of embracing them and trying to improve on them. If I put as much energy into being a Mom and Homemaker as being a photographer, I'd have the most immaculate house, always have the best meals, and have an indestructable bond with each of my kids.
Since I started pondering these things I have seen an alarming number of women start their own businesses (mostly in photograpy, lol), heck, I just taught a Relief Society Meeting on the topic. Yet, we hear constantly from our church leaders that we need to be home with our children. Why are we ignoring this advice? I admire my dear friends who have stuck it out, and defend the importance of stay-at-home motherhood. I love especially reading Jamie Melin's blog, and can't say that it didn't have an effect on helping make this decision.
I am officially hanging up my camera. Yeah, I'll probably do the occasional family portrait or wedding for a friend. And, yeah, financially it's going to suck. But, I am confident that the rewards will outweigh the amount of pbj dinners we will have to consume, and I am confident that The Lord will provide. I will miss shooting weddings, and hope my skills won't completely rust out in the next 6 years. I will have to get used to saying "A Mom!" proudly when asked what I do. It will still take me a while to start doing crafts with the kids, and get to a point where my house is immaculate..but I have time to learn. My kids will only be kids for a short time, and I am not wasting those years on lightroom and photoshop.

Here are a few quotes from church leaders for thought, and please note that "out of the home" is really the same as "in the home" when it comes to working, it still divides your attention, consumes your energy and manipulates your priorities.

“Fathers and mothers, before you decide you need a second income and that mother must go to work out of the home, may I plead with you: first go to the Lord in prayer and receive his divine approbation. Be sure he says yes. Mothers with children and teenagers at home, before you go out of your homes to work, please count the cost as carefully as you count the profit. Earning a few dollars more for luxuries cloaked in the masquerade of necessity—or a so-called opportunity for self-development of talents in the business world, a chance to get away from the mundane responsibilities of the home—these are all satanic substitutes for clear thinking. They are counterfeit thoughts that subvert the responsibilities of motherhood.” Bishop H. Burke Peterson

“The husband is expected to support his family and only in an emergency should a wife secure outside employment. Her place is in the home, to build the home into a heaven of delight. Numerous divorces can be traced directly to the day when the wife left the home and went out into the world into employment. Two incomes raise the standard of living beyond its norm. Two spouses working prevent the complete and proper home life, break into the family prayers, create an independence which is not cooperative, causes distortion, limits the family, and frustrates the children already born” President Spencer W. Kimball

“In a home where there is an able-bodied husband, he is expected to be the breadwinner. Sometimes we hear of husbands who, because of economic conditions, have lost their jobs and expect the wives to go out of the home and work, even though the husband is still capable of providing for his family. In these cases, we urge the husband to do all in his power to allow his wife to remain in the home caring for the children while he continues to provide for his family the best he can, even though the job he is able to secure may not be ideal and family budgeting may have to be tighter.” President Ezra Taft Benson